MISSNEEK.COM FINALLY OPEN!

MISSNEEK.COM
Go there for any future bloggage from me!
Make sure you update your blogrolls, and let me know so I can add you to mine!
I will not be blogging here anymore.

Love you guys & look forward to hearing from you there!

-Neek

To be loved! To be loved! Oh, what a feeling...

I can't believe I ever tried to fight this feeling.
I'm so happy, I'm so whole, I'm so loved.
It's a great way to start '09.

Happy New Year to anyone I didn't get to tell it yet!
My only wish is that you all can feel as great as I do right now.

I have a million things to say, but no energy to type them, so a audiblog may be coming soon via MissNeek.com.

With Love,
Neek

Liar.

You lie so much you can't even remember your lies or keep them straight. We already knew you were lying, shit it's pretty damn obvious, but the fact that you cling to your lies so desperately just makes you look so fucking stupid. If there is one thing I hate on this earth it's a liar, and you sir are definitely that. I called you out and you couldn't think of one thing to say, you just sat there, mumbling incoherently.

And what's the point really? I mean seriously. What do you get out of it? Everything comes to the light eventually, and usually by then the lie has grown into this huge thing that is so much bigger than the actual issue you were trying to hide in the first place. It's so pathetic.

You know who you are & please believe I've already told people what happened, so you know what you need to do.

Anywho, on a lighter note:



Happy Holidays... Lol

missNEEK.com

Coming soon and I'm super excited!

I'll definitely let you guys know once it's done.

HIATUS.

New job. New goals. Won't be around much. Call if you need me & you've got the number. Leaving you with this lovely picture to get you thru the loneliness.

Back To Square One.

I thought I'd already gotten this shit out of my system.
Oh well, this time I'll try harder.

Booty Meat & Other Non-Vegetarian Dishes.

OK, question: What are men's fascinations with asses & big ol' breasteses all about? I swear I've wondered this for the longest time. I mean what is the big deal?! Essentially, breasts are just feed bags for babies and ass cheeks, as far as I can tell, are just meant to protect our booty holes from unwanted objects. Yet men will pay women ridiculous amounts of attention just for having either set out.

Now I have had boobs since the age of 11, and it has always amazed me how immediate the attention was. I didn't even get to wear a training bra. I went straight from the bench to the majors, and since then, yes since the age of 11, guys will seriously talk directly to my breasts, with no hesitation. Now I will admit, sometimes I let "the ladies" roam a little more freely, and I know what the hell I'm doing when I do, but the response I get is really what has always been mind boggling to me. Why are boobs so attractive to men? Somehow two sacks of fat hanging off a chest cause some men to lose their ever loving minds. Men, an explanation in the comments would be appreciated.

And don't even get me started on asses, the strangest fascination of all. I am not the owner of a big ol' donkey booty [shoutout to CubanaLust] but I hold my own in the ass department. But some men would sell their souls for a chick with an old cornfed, Kitoy, Buffy the Body type ass. I guess my biggest question regarding the love of asses, is how they can be so atractive when you know their full functionality and all the disgusting operations they are capable of? Farts, shits, hemmorhoids... need I say more? It's an ASS gentlemen! All the things your ass does, her's does too. Yep, even that. But I digress.

I think my biggest issue here is that there is nothing on a man for me to oggle at publicly so it can atleast be fair. He's staring at my boobs, I'm staring at his [insert random thing for me to oggle at here], it's an even exchange. But there is no such luck.

Anyway, I'm really curious about this, so if anyone can shed some light on the topic I'd truly appreciate it. And now I think I'll go finish my reading for tonight.

Later Alligators,
Neek

YES WE CAN!

Words can't even do it right now. Tonight I've gone from screaming, to crying, to laughing all within minutes, and it's all felt so great, lol. I have never felt this much pride in my life. My president is black with a black wife and two beautiful little black daughters. I'm still pinching myself over here. My kids are going to be born into a different world than I was even 19 years ago. A world where anything really is possible. When my children one day ask me if they can really be anything I need only think back on this night and with so much pride look them in the eyes, smile, and say in all honesty "Yes, you can."

It's a beautiful day.

Thee Audience is Listening.

Big changes are coming soon.
I've got soooo many things in the works, it's ridiculous.
Just pray for me & keep those fingers crossed.
Last night I got a call that could change my life.
Maybe all my random writing and singing is finally going to be more than just a passion.
Maybe it could become, dare I say it: A career? A way out? My big chance?

Crazier things have happened, and one thing I know for sure,
my mama said when opportunity knocks you sure as hell better open that door and let it in.

So my door is wide open & I gotta make it happen.

Overwhelmed.

After watching CNN for hours I found myself sitting here in tears because this is so close to being a reality. I know so many people are like "whoopedy-doo, a black president, his race shouldn't matter," but dammit, it means something to me. First off, he is a great example of a man in general and him being black is just the icing on the cake. He's a man who is taking care of his family, believes in God, and is trying to make a positive change in his country. Those are honorable characteristics for a man of any race. I feel so much pride every time I hear him speak or see him on TV, and it honestly makes me feel like I can do more than I ever believed I could. It's crazy but only today did the magnitude of tomorrow even sink in for me. I had never even believed there could be a black president in my lifetime, it was unfathomable to me at 19 years old. The limitations I'd subconsciously put on myself due to my race are very much shaken. No matter what happens tomorrow (though I will be beyond upset if he loses) Barack Obama has done something tremendous for me. He's made me believe I am just as capable as anyone of any race to accomplish anything I put my mind to, and that if I want something bad enough I can make it happen. As many times as I have heard that before in my life there have always been invisible barriers in my mind as to what it really means. But not anymore.

Me Time

I am truly learning to enjoy my own company. To the point where I really have no desire to be around other people. I think I depend on other people to entertain me a little too much. Right now I am quite content sitting here writing songs, sipping on some tea, and watching "Crooklyn" for the 3rd time today, lol.

Speaking of writing songs my big homie Shane has a video in the works for his song "Single Niggas". I can't wait to see it. And if you haven't heard the song check out Lorenzo's blog to hear it. Lmao

Derrick Comedy

I seriously cannot wait for this to come out.

Just go to DerrickComedy.com and check out their videos.
The shit is bananas, B-A-N-A-N-A-S![/gwen stefani]

Happy Halloween!

Mike Tyson + Bobby Brown = The Purest Fuckery in Television History.

Amel!

My best friend and I drove the 2 hours to San Diego to hear the beautiful and ridiculously talented Amel Larrieux sing, and it was worth so much more than the gas money and the ticket cost combined. I felt like I was in heaven just watching her control that stage and hearing her voice glide effortlessly over the sounds of her band playing beautiful jazz melodies. She sang every single song I that I'd hoped she'd sing. It was as if she had put the entire show together especially for me. If you ever have an opportunity to see her live, do yourself a favor and go. And if you don't have them already all of her albums are worth purchasing, but I especially recommend "Bravebird". I feel rejuvenated and on top of the world right now. Thank you so much Mrs. Larrieux for making tonight beautiful.

Irreplaceable.

It's crazy how a dream can make everything so clear even in all it's abstractness.
Dreams can tell stories using all of your innermost thoughts to answer every question and they can reveal so much about you that you couldn't see while awake. The dream I had tonight was a revelation in the truest sense.

I won't recap the dream itself but I will explain what it's revealed to me. I keep searching for someone to fill the void left by my father never being around. It's made me needy and clingy and overly suspicious of every male I've ever dealt with. Afraid that just like my dad they were making promises they would never keep. I have an overall distrust of men and I justified it in my mind because of my dad, but in all honesty I know it's not fair. Don't get me wrong, I know I shouldn't be running around trusting every man 100%, no questions asked, but I can't automatically distrust them all because of the mistakes of one man.

So I've made up my mind. Next time I'm going to let go of my fear. Next time I'm not going to complain when he's taking some time to get shit right for himself. Next time a man tells me he loves me I'm going to believe it instead of questioning it constantly in the back of my mind.

I can't replace my father. I can only forgive him and move forward. I have to learn to accept that he wasn't capable of being all I needed, but he still loved me in his own way. He's gone now, and there is no changing the past, but I can make sure my future is much brighter.

♥

Friday Night Lights.

It was too much to type so I just gave up and recorded this audioblog.
Enjoy & thangs.

I Cant Even...

... put the events of tonight into words yet.
My date was... man. Just know you've got one hell of a blog coming your way once I organize all my thoughts in the morning.

Good Hair.

I swear everytime I hear older black women talking about "good hair" & "bad hair" I just think about this scene in "School Daze". Does my hair texture really matter?

"Why are you wearing all that good hair in a big ol' puff?!"

-rolling my eyes x 234098503953405345-

It's just hair. It grows out of my head, just like every other human. With all that's going on in the world it's sad when people have time to worry about how somebody's hair naturally grows out of their scalp.

Sorry my mama's co-workers/friends/my play aunties get on my damn nerves sometimes.

Just What I Needed.

Lately I've been keeping some pretty late nights, to the point where I stay up all night, go to class, then go to bed. I guess this insomnia thing is back in full effect. Oh well, what's new?

I saw my best friend in the whole entire world yesterday and we shared the best hug EVER in the history of hugging. We have both had some pretty rough days recently, and finally getting to see eachother was just a relief in itself. There is just something about having the person who understands you the most right by your side. There is no fear of them misinterpreting your words or actions. They know you inside out and they know that all you do comes from a good place, however misdirected it may sometimes be. That's what she offers, and if she were a guy I'd be in love, lol.

Anyway, we shopped til we dropped and we tried to solve eachothers problems along the way. Words can't express how much comfort I found in hearing her say what I already knew was. Just having her confirm that I'm not losing my mind was worth more than I think she even knows. Oh how I love that skeezer, let me count the ways.

In other news, mama's got a date lined up [HEYYYY! -does the running man-] and for once it's not with some homeboy of mine who has secretly had a crush on me for years. I am now convinced every male friend I have is on some alterior shit. Well every one of them except you. ;] But anyway, we're going to the movies and dinner. Maybe he'll be worth getting to know, but even if he's not a free meal & free entertainment are always a win-win situation for me.

I'm in a good place right now. The broken heart has subsided and I can finally see that person for what he is. A great friend. Allowing myself to see more possibilities or other potential within him was my downfall. If there is one thing I'm good at though it is making lemons into lemonade, and before all else he was always the homie. Love changes people: namely, me. I kinda lost sight of the friendship in this whole "love me, please love me, give me attention and love me" daze. It's something I now recognize and can work on. I'm only 19, I'll learn and grow with time.

Well I guess thats enough rambling, I'm going to try to get a few moments of rest, though I'll probably just end up watching a movie or something.

G'nite lovemuffins,
Neekaleak