I've had 3 people I've know for most of my life say they've noticed a change in me over the last week. Like they can tell just by looking at me I'm not stressed anymore and I'm doing way better than I was. When my dad passed it hurt me more than I would openly admit to most people. The people I was closest to knew all about it, but for the most part I kept it bottled up. I tried to keep pretending things were cool, but apparently my act wasn't too convincing because everyone knew something was wrong. And on top of all the pain from my loss, I had all this other drama going on in my life with the people I cared about most. So I was walking around for over a month feeling like the whole world was on my shoulders. Only within this last week did I finally free myself of all that stress & anxiety, and right now I can say I'm genuinely happy. It was as simple as letting go and releasing all the shit I had bottled up, and had I known it was that simple and that I had so many people who cared enough to be my outlets I would have done it so long ago.
It's crazy, it's like I can physically feel the difference. Like I have all this extra energy out of nowhere. I'm back to laughing and being the silly ass Neek most of you knew, lol. I'm back to quoting random ass movies for no reason. Back to laughing at my own jokes louder than anyone should. Back to sitting around with my friends and having 3 hour roast sessions for no apparent reason. I'm back to the old me.
I guess as I grow I will learn how to not let life's situations change who I am or how I am. I can't afford to lose myself in bullshit, because who I am is all I really have in the first place, and if I lose that what am I even fighting for?
So yeah, as for right now, I'm all smiles and I have so much peace. It's a lovely feeling, and one I won't let anyone or anything take away.
