Release.

I have many conflicting feelings about the man who was my father.
I won't mince words. He wasn't there. I did not know him as a person all that much.
I knew his voice and I knew his broken promises by heart.
But even with all the negative things I, and many others, could say about him, I still loved him.

Shawn McDonnell taught me to be self reliant.
An invaluable life lesson, but one learned the hard way.
Yet and still, I am thankful that he did his part to help bring me into this world,
and I am glad that I got a chance to talk to him before it was too late.
I saw another side, one that was so familiar it was scary.
The side that he gave to me, without even being around.
I just hope I can be a positive part of his legacy.
Maybe I can be one of the few things he did right in his life.

R.I.P. Oct 23, 1964 - August 22, 2008

Nails Did

I'm going to get a fill and a pedicure today. I effin love my nail salon with a passion. When I get old I'm going to kick it at the nail shop every day like the old men do at barbershops, just gossiping like crazy. Kim, A.K.A. the little asian lady who does my nails, is adorable. Everytime I come in she starts talking to me using all the slang she knows. She's always like "guhfrien! how you beeeen?!". Everytime I pick a nail color she either says "guh that is the bomb" or "guhfrien' come on now, you alway get that one". Whenever I'm around her I swear fo' Gawd it takes everything in me not to start talking like she does, but I think she'd be a little offended if I was just like "guh, you so craz-ee!" But anyways, she is just too cute! I swear if I'm ever famous she's going on the road with me and every time I go out on stage she's coming out to bust a rhyme or a move, or both if she feels the need. Well let me get down to the shop before I miss Maury time. I gotta see if Shaquan's baby daddy is really her baby's daddy. Just SCANDALOUS!

Mama's Sorry!

I have been neglecting you baby!

Man, there has been soooo much going on with my family lately,
I'm not even in the mood to type it all, but I will say this:

Money will show you who people really are.

More later lovemuffins, it's time to go SHOPPING!

"Promise To Try"

This summer is already almost half way over. Damn.

Well here is my solemn oath to myself:

"You will not spend another moment worrying over some nuggah.
You will be happy all by your damn self.
You will not allow others to control your emotional state.
You will enjoy every day more than the last.
You will live, love, and laugh like today is your last."

And it all started yesterday, so if you don't hear from me, just know I'm out enjoying life and all it has to offer.
I'm not stressing, you shouldn't either.
As a matter of fact I'm pretty sure you're not. Lol

Gawd, I thought this was MY BLOG, so why do I still feel like I need to be cryptic? I guess because I found out certain people be reading it on the "schneak" tip. Lol
Well let me amend the oath:

"You will speak your mind in your fucking blog because it's YOUR fucking blog!"

Starting now: The head wasn't all that, so stop telling people I am sprung, and tend to your "girlfriend". And don't act like people don't tell me things, some of your closest homies are more loyal to me. Remember that B.

Ahhh, that felt good. More later perhaps, and I'm going out with the chicklets today so maybe some pictures later.

Ciao my loves!

Chipper.

Yesterday = GREATNESS.

I was going thru a little bit of a hard time, but yesterday made everything all better. Special thank you to Flavor of the Month for the great pick me up! ;]

I'm 1000% better.

Got a job interview Wednesday. I hope I get this one because I already turned down 2 because they weren't paying enough, and this one is right up my alley, but I'd hate to have turned away work and not be able to get what I really wanted so I have no backup, lol. Oh well, God's got it.

"She get it from her mama..."

Boston

"I have left my heart in Boston
And I left my soul in springtime
And I've forgotten how it feels to be in love again
And I still miss you

Somehow I left the world behind me
I can't remember how to find me
And I've forgotten how it feels to truly love someone
My God, I miss you

And nobody ever said that it would be this hard
Just want to go back
And walk with you along the Charles
You never believe how hard this real world thing can be
Until you see

I think I lost my smile in Cambridge
And my spirit in a snowy haze
And I've forgotten how it feels to be in love with life
I really miss you

So I've been around the world by now
And I've seen enough to know
That if you truly find your heart somewhere
You better take it with you where you go

And nobody told me my life would be this way
I'm watching the years go sailing by
Just like the days
I'm thinking how Boston seems to be the perfect place
To leave my heart

I have left my heart in Boston
I left it right there
At the downtown crossing"

- Lalah Hathaway, "Boston"

I feel so effin stuck.
I'm trying to move forward, but I need my heart back please.