Funk Dat!

When I was a little kid this used to come on the radio and me, my sister, and my cousin used to walk to the corner store talking about "FUNK DAT!" Recently I was telling someone about this song and they looked at me like I was crazy and had me questioning if this song ever even existed. Thank God or Google & Youtube. Lol

Memories man, memories.

U Center Me

He's one of the only things that's going to make leaving Cali hard.

Addiction,

You are so fucking selfish.
You don't care about the lives you damage,
or how you're breaking my family apart,
or how much we love, need, and miss her.
You only care about sustaining yourself.

When I look at her
I no longer see the beautiful,
charismatic person who I once looked up to.
I only see you,
and how you've stripped her
of all the characteristics I once admired.

I despise you with every ounce of my being.
Don't you see how you're destroying her?
How in turn it's destroying a part of all of us?

You can't see,
and you've made her just as blind.

She came over today,
reeking of you.
Just an empty shell of her former self.
When she left I couldn't stop crying.
The sister I knew is gone,
and I feel like I'm mourning her death.

But I can't afford to give up hope.
Hope that one day she'll come home
& be the big sister I once knew.
She'll escape from your grip and come back
where she belongs.
With her family,
with her child.
Mare asks about her daily,
and it breaks my heart.
He misses her so much.

If you won't let her go for me,
please let her go for him.
I can deal with it, I can understand,
but he can't comprehend what's going on.
All he knows is that his mommy's gone.

I will continue to pray for everyday,
and hope that God can do what none of us has been able to.
Bring my sister home safely and free from you.

Cheese Knives.

Do you wanna know what I was doing at 4am this morning?
I was laughing until my abs ached, talking to Lorenzo about farts.
Thats right, I said farts. Lol
I don't remember how the conversation turned to that subject, but I do know that I requested that he Google "fart facts" and he began to read me some of the most hilarious shit I'd heard in quite some time.
I swear, no matter how old I get, that topic will always cause me to laugh until tears fall down my face. It's like everyone has had some kind of bad experience with gas, whether it be their own or someone elses, and they all are hilarious when recounted aloud. We went on for almost an hour talking about the facts he found and bad but hilarious experiences we had all revolving around gas.

Just typing this I feel like a weirdo, but I don't really care, lol.
The shit was funny. So thank you Renz for a hilarious and entertaining night.

Tryna Get That Old Thing Back...

We were best friends.
Before that love shit reared its ugly head,
Before you started living the life I couldn't accept,
Before anything, you were my roll dog, my ace boon coon, my uno nuno.

Now we barely even speak.
And I miss my friend.
Not my "ex-boyfriend", my "friend".
But can you ever really go back?
Can we get back to just being friends
without somebody getting all emotionally attached?
I don't know.
In a perfect world, yes.
But one thing I know for sure is this ain't no perfect world.

I'm willing to try if you are.

You don't know my struggle...

...and you never will.
Please don't think you know what I've gone thru.
Please don't assume shit is just pristine and perfect around here.
Please know my struggle is my own,
and there is no need for me to compare mine to anyone elses.
I don't need to prove my worth thru how hard I came up.
Some things you'd rather not talk about.
What the fuck for?
It doesn't bring people back,
it doesn't take away scars,
it doesn't undo the past.
The difference between me and you:
I push through, fuck venting about shit in my life I can't control.
Fuck talking about it over and over and never making changes.
Fuck staying stagnant while worrying so much about what you think someone might be saying about you.
You've only ever seen what I've allowed you to, but please don't ever get shit twisted.

Am I Glowing or Something?

I've had 3 people I've know for most of my life say they've noticed a change in me over the last week. Like they can tell just by looking at me I'm not stressed anymore and I'm doing way better than I was. When my dad passed it hurt me more than I would openly admit to most people. The people I was closest to knew all about it, but for the most part I kept it bottled up. I tried to keep pretending things were cool, but apparently my act wasn't too convincing because everyone knew something was wrong. And on top of all the pain from my loss, I had all this other drama going on in my life with the people I cared about most. So I was walking around for over a month feeling like the whole world was on my shoulders. Only within this last week did I finally free myself of all that stress & anxiety, and right now I can say I'm genuinely happy. It was as simple as letting go and releasing all the shit I had bottled up, and had I known it was that simple and that I had so many people who cared enough to be my outlets I would have done it so long ago.

It's crazy, it's like I can physically feel the difference. Like I have all this extra energy out of nowhere. I'm back to laughing and being the silly ass Neek most of you knew, lol. I'm back to quoting random ass movies for no reason. Back to laughing at my own jokes louder than anyone should. Back to sitting around with my friends and having 3 hour roast sessions for no apparent reason. I'm back to the old me.

I guess as I grow I will learn how to not let life's situations change who I am or how I am. I can't afford to lose myself in bullshit, because who I am is all I really have in the first place, and if I lose that what am I even fighting for?

So yeah, as for right now, I'm all smiles and I have so much peace. It's a lovely feeling, and one I won't let anyone or anything take away.