Friday Night Lights.

It was too much to type so I just gave up and recorded this audioblog.
Enjoy & thangs.

I Cant Even...

... put the events of tonight into words yet.
My date was... man. Just know you've got one hell of a blog coming your way once I organize all my thoughts in the morning.

Good Hair.

I swear everytime I hear older black women talking about "good hair" & "bad hair" I just think about this scene in "School Daze". Does my hair texture really matter?

"Why are you wearing all that good hair in a big ol' puff?!"

-rolling my eyes x 234098503953405345-

It's just hair. It grows out of my head, just like every other human. With all that's going on in the world it's sad when people have time to worry about how somebody's hair naturally grows out of their scalp.

Sorry my mama's co-workers/friends/my play aunties get on my damn nerves sometimes.

Just What I Needed.

Lately I've been keeping some pretty late nights, to the point where I stay up all night, go to class, then go to bed. I guess this insomnia thing is back in full effect. Oh well, what's new?

I saw my best friend in the whole entire world yesterday and we shared the best hug EVER in the history of hugging. We have both had some pretty rough days recently, and finally getting to see eachother was just a relief in itself. There is just something about having the person who understands you the most right by your side. There is no fear of them misinterpreting your words or actions. They know you inside out and they know that all you do comes from a good place, however misdirected it may sometimes be. That's what she offers, and if she were a guy I'd be in love, lol.

Anyway, we shopped til we dropped and we tried to solve eachothers problems along the way. Words can't express how much comfort I found in hearing her say what I already knew was. Just having her confirm that I'm not losing my mind was worth more than I think she even knows. Oh how I love that skeezer, let me count the ways.

In other news, mama's got a date lined up [HEYYYY! -does the running man-] and for once it's not with some homeboy of mine who has secretly had a crush on me for years. I am now convinced every male friend I have is on some alterior shit. Well every one of them except you. ;] But anyway, we're going to the movies and dinner. Maybe he'll be worth getting to know, but even if he's not a free meal & free entertainment are always a win-win situation for me.

I'm in a good place right now. The broken heart has subsided and I can finally see that person for what he is. A great friend. Allowing myself to see more possibilities or other potential within him was my downfall. If there is one thing I'm good at though it is making lemons into lemonade, and before all else he was always the homie. Love changes people: namely, me. I kinda lost sight of the friendship in this whole "love me, please love me, give me attention and love me" daze. It's something I now recognize and can work on. I'm only 19, I'll learn and grow with time.

Well I guess thats enough rambling, I'm going to try to get a few moments of rest, though I'll probably just end up watching a movie or something.

G'nite lovemuffins,
Neekaleak

Funk Dat!

When I was a little kid this used to come on the radio and me, my sister, and my cousin used to walk to the corner store talking about "FUNK DAT!" Recently I was telling someone about this song and they looked at me like I was crazy and had me questioning if this song ever even existed. Thank God or Google & Youtube. Lol

Memories man, memories.

U Center Me

He's one of the only things that's going to make leaving Cali hard.

Addiction,

You are so fucking selfish.
You don't care about the lives you damage,
or how you're breaking my family apart,
or how much we love, need, and miss her.
You only care about sustaining yourself.

When I look at her
I no longer see the beautiful,
charismatic person who I once looked up to.
I only see you,
and how you've stripped her
of all the characteristics I once admired.

I despise you with every ounce of my being.
Don't you see how you're destroying her?
How in turn it's destroying a part of all of us?

You can't see,
and you've made her just as blind.

She came over today,
reeking of you.
Just an empty shell of her former self.
When she left I couldn't stop crying.
The sister I knew is gone,
and I feel like I'm mourning her death.

But I can't afford to give up hope.
Hope that one day she'll come home
& be the big sister I once knew.
She'll escape from your grip and come back
where she belongs.
With her family,
with her child.
Mare asks about her daily,
and it breaks my heart.
He misses her so much.

If you won't let her go for me,
please let her go for him.
I can deal with it, I can understand,
but he can't comprehend what's going on.
All he knows is that his mommy's gone.

I will continue to pray for everyday,
and hope that God can do what none of us has been able to.
Bring my sister home safely and free from you.