Irreplaceable.

It's crazy how a dream can make everything so clear even in all it's abstractness.
Dreams can tell stories using all of your innermost thoughts to answer every question and they can reveal so much about you that you couldn't see while awake. The dream I had tonight was a revelation in the truest sense.

I won't recap the dream itself but I will explain what it's revealed to me. I keep searching for someone to fill the void left by my father never being around. It's made me needy and clingy and overly suspicious of every male I've ever dealt with. Afraid that just like my dad they were making promises they would never keep. I have an overall distrust of men and I justified it in my mind because of my dad, but in all honesty I know it's not fair. Don't get me wrong, I know I shouldn't be running around trusting every man 100%, no questions asked, but I can't automatically distrust them all because of the mistakes of one man.

So I've made up my mind. Next time I'm going to let go of my fear. Next time I'm not going to complain when he's taking some time to get shit right for himself. Next time a man tells me he loves me I'm going to believe it instead of questioning it constantly in the back of my mind.

I can't replace my father. I can only forgive him and move forward. I have to learn to accept that he wasn't capable of being all I needed, but he still loved me in his own way. He's gone now, and there is no changing the past, but I can make sure my future is much brighter.