Liar.

You lie so much you can't even remember your lies or keep them straight. We already knew you were lying, shit it's pretty damn obvious, but the fact that you cling to your lies so desperately just makes you look so fucking stupid. If there is one thing I hate on this earth it's a liar, and you sir are definitely that. I called you out and you couldn't think of one thing to say, you just sat there, mumbling incoherently.

And what's the point really? I mean seriously. What do you get out of it? Everything comes to the light eventually, and usually by then the lie has grown into this huge thing that is so much bigger than the actual issue you were trying to hide in the first place. It's so pathetic.

You know who you are & please believe I've already told people what happened, so you know what you need to do.

Anywho, on a lighter note:



Happy Holidays... Lol

missNEEK.com

Coming soon and I'm super excited!

I'll definitely let you guys know once it's done.

HIATUS.

New job. New goals. Won't be around much. Call if you need me & you've got the number. Leaving you with this lovely picture to get you thru the loneliness.

Back To Square One.

I thought I'd already gotten this shit out of my system.
Oh well, this time I'll try harder.

Booty Meat & Other Non-Vegetarian Dishes.

OK, question: What are men's fascinations with asses & big ol' breasteses all about? I swear I've wondered this for the longest time. I mean what is the big deal?! Essentially, breasts are just feed bags for babies and ass cheeks, as far as I can tell, are just meant to protect our booty holes from unwanted objects. Yet men will pay women ridiculous amounts of attention just for having either set out.

Now I have had boobs since the age of 11, and it has always amazed me how immediate the attention was. I didn't even get to wear a training bra. I went straight from the bench to the majors, and since then, yes since the age of 11, guys will seriously talk directly to my breasts, with no hesitation. Now I will admit, sometimes I let "the ladies" roam a little more freely, and I know what the hell I'm doing when I do, but the response I get is really what has always been mind boggling to me. Why are boobs so attractive to men? Somehow two sacks of fat hanging off a chest cause some men to lose their ever loving minds. Men, an explanation in the comments would be appreciated.

And don't even get me started on asses, the strangest fascination of all. I am not the owner of a big ol' donkey booty [shoutout to CubanaLust] but I hold my own in the ass department. But some men would sell their souls for a chick with an old cornfed, Kitoy, Buffy the Body type ass. I guess my biggest question regarding the love of asses, is how they can be so atractive when you know their full functionality and all the disgusting operations they are capable of? Farts, shits, hemmorhoids... need I say more? It's an ASS gentlemen! All the things your ass does, her's does too. Yep, even that. But I digress.

I think my biggest issue here is that there is nothing on a man for me to oggle at publicly so it can atleast be fair. He's staring at my boobs, I'm staring at his [insert random thing for me to oggle at here], it's an even exchange. But there is no such luck.

Anyway, I'm really curious about this, so if anyone can shed some light on the topic I'd truly appreciate it. And now I think I'll go finish my reading for tonight.

Later Alligators,
Neek

YES WE CAN!

Words can't even do it right now. Tonight I've gone from screaming, to crying, to laughing all within minutes, and it's all felt so great, lol. I have never felt this much pride in my life. My president is black with a black wife and two beautiful little black daughters. I'm still pinching myself over here. My kids are going to be born into a different world than I was even 19 years ago. A world where anything really is possible. When my children one day ask me if they can really be anything I need only think back on this night and with so much pride look them in the eyes, smile, and say in all honesty "Yes, you can."

It's a beautiful day.

Thee Audience is Listening.

Big changes are coming soon.
I've got soooo many things in the works, it's ridiculous.
Just pray for me & keep those fingers crossed.
Last night I got a call that could change my life.
Maybe all my random writing and singing is finally going to be more than just a passion.
Maybe it could become, dare I say it: A career? A way out? My big chance?

Crazier things have happened, and one thing I know for sure,
my mama said when opportunity knocks you sure as hell better open that door and let it in.

So my door is wide open & I gotta make it happen.

Overwhelmed.

After watching CNN for hours I found myself sitting here in tears because this is so close to being a reality. I know so many people are like "whoopedy-doo, a black president, his race shouldn't matter," but dammit, it means something to me. First off, he is a great example of a man in general and him being black is just the icing on the cake. He's a man who is taking care of his family, believes in God, and is trying to make a positive change in his country. Those are honorable characteristics for a man of any race. I feel so much pride every time I hear him speak or see him on TV, and it honestly makes me feel like I can do more than I ever believed I could. It's crazy but only today did the magnitude of tomorrow even sink in for me. I had never even believed there could be a black president in my lifetime, it was unfathomable to me at 19 years old. The limitations I'd subconsciously put on myself due to my race are very much shaken. No matter what happens tomorrow (though I will be beyond upset if he loses) Barack Obama has done something tremendous for me. He's made me believe I am just as capable as anyone of any race to accomplish anything I put my mind to, and that if I want something bad enough I can make it happen. As many times as I have heard that before in my life there have always been invisible barriers in my mind as to what it really means. But not anymore.

Me Time

I am truly learning to enjoy my own company. To the point where I really have no desire to be around other people. I think I depend on other people to entertain me a little too much. Right now I am quite content sitting here writing songs, sipping on some tea, and watching "Crooklyn" for the 3rd time today, lol.

Speaking of writing songs my big homie Shane has a video in the works for his song "Single Niggas". I can't wait to see it. And if you haven't heard the song check out Lorenzo's blog to hear it. Lmao

Derrick Comedy

I seriously cannot wait for this to come out.

Just go to DerrickComedy.com and check out their videos.
The shit is bananas, B-A-N-A-N-A-S![/gwen stefani]

Happy Halloween!

Mike Tyson + Bobby Brown = The Purest Fuckery in Television History.

Amel!

My best friend and I drove the 2 hours to San Diego to hear the beautiful and ridiculously talented Amel Larrieux sing, and it was worth so much more than the gas money and the ticket cost combined. I felt like I was in heaven just watching her control that stage and hearing her voice glide effortlessly over the sounds of her band playing beautiful jazz melodies. She sang every single song I that I'd hoped she'd sing. It was as if she had put the entire show together especially for me. If you ever have an opportunity to see her live, do yourself a favor and go. And if you don't have them already all of her albums are worth purchasing, but I especially recommend "Bravebird". I feel rejuvenated and on top of the world right now. Thank you so much Mrs. Larrieux for making tonight beautiful.

Irreplaceable.

It's crazy how a dream can make everything so clear even in all it's abstractness.
Dreams can tell stories using all of your innermost thoughts to answer every question and they can reveal so much about you that you couldn't see while awake. The dream I had tonight was a revelation in the truest sense.

I won't recap the dream itself but I will explain what it's revealed to me. I keep searching for someone to fill the void left by my father never being around. It's made me needy and clingy and overly suspicious of every male I've ever dealt with. Afraid that just like my dad they were making promises they would never keep. I have an overall distrust of men and I justified it in my mind because of my dad, but in all honesty I know it's not fair. Don't get me wrong, I know I shouldn't be running around trusting every man 100%, no questions asked, but I can't automatically distrust them all because of the mistakes of one man.

So I've made up my mind. Next time I'm going to let go of my fear. Next time I'm not going to complain when he's taking some time to get shit right for himself. Next time a man tells me he loves me I'm going to believe it instead of questioning it constantly in the back of my mind.

I can't replace my father. I can only forgive him and move forward. I have to learn to accept that he wasn't capable of being all I needed, but he still loved me in his own way. He's gone now, and there is no changing the past, but I can make sure my future is much brighter.

♥

Friday Night Lights.

It was too much to type so I just gave up and recorded this audioblog.
Enjoy & thangs.

I Cant Even...

... put the events of tonight into words yet.
My date was... man. Just know you've got one hell of a blog coming your way once I organize all my thoughts in the morning.

Good Hair.

I swear everytime I hear older black women talking about "good hair" & "bad hair" I just think about this scene in "School Daze". Does my hair texture really matter?

"Why are you wearing all that good hair in a big ol' puff?!"

-rolling my eyes x 234098503953405345-

It's just hair. It grows out of my head, just like every other human. With all that's going on in the world it's sad when people have time to worry about how somebody's hair naturally grows out of their scalp.

Sorry my mama's co-workers/friends/my play aunties get on my damn nerves sometimes.

Just What I Needed.

Lately I've been keeping some pretty late nights, to the point where I stay up all night, go to class, then go to bed. I guess this insomnia thing is back in full effect. Oh well, what's new?

I saw my best friend in the whole entire world yesterday and we shared the best hug EVER in the history of hugging. We have both had some pretty rough days recently, and finally getting to see eachother was just a relief in itself. There is just something about having the person who understands you the most right by your side. There is no fear of them misinterpreting your words or actions. They know you inside out and they know that all you do comes from a good place, however misdirected it may sometimes be. That's what she offers, and if she were a guy I'd be in love, lol.

Anyway, we shopped til we dropped and we tried to solve eachothers problems along the way. Words can't express how much comfort I found in hearing her say what I already knew was. Just having her confirm that I'm not losing my mind was worth more than I think she even knows. Oh how I love that skeezer, let me count the ways.

In other news, mama's got a date lined up [HEYYYY! -does the running man-] and for once it's not with some homeboy of mine who has secretly had a crush on me for years. I am now convinced every male friend I have is on some alterior shit. Well every one of them except you. ;] But anyway, we're going to the movies and dinner. Maybe he'll be worth getting to know, but even if he's not a free meal & free entertainment are always a win-win situation for me.

I'm in a good place right now. The broken heart has subsided and I can finally see that person for what he is. A great friend. Allowing myself to see more possibilities or other potential within him was my downfall. If there is one thing I'm good at though it is making lemons into lemonade, and before all else he was always the homie. Love changes people: namely, me. I kinda lost sight of the friendship in this whole "love me, please love me, give me attention and love me" daze. It's something I now recognize and can work on. I'm only 19, I'll learn and grow with time.

Well I guess thats enough rambling, I'm going to try to get a few moments of rest, though I'll probably just end up watching a movie or something.

G'nite lovemuffins,
Neekaleak

Funk Dat!

When I was a little kid this used to come on the radio and me, my sister, and my cousin used to walk to the corner store talking about "FUNK DAT!" Recently I was telling someone about this song and they looked at me like I was crazy and had me questioning if this song ever even existed. Thank God or Google & Youtube. Lol

Memories man, memories.

U Center Me

He's one of the only things that's going to make leaving Cali hard.

Addiction,

You are so fucking selfish.
You don't care about the lives you damage,
or how you're breaking my family apart,
or how much we love, need, and miss her.
You only care about sustaining yourself.

When I look at her
I no longer see the beautiful,
charismatic person who I once looked up to.
I only see you,
and how you've stripped her
of all the characteristics I once admired.

I despise you with every ounce of my being.
Don't you see how you're destroying her?
How in turn it's destroying a part of all of us?

You can't see,
and you've made her just as blind.

She came over today,
reeking of you.
Just an empty shell of her former self.
When she left I couldn't stop crying.
The sister I knew is gone,
and I feel like I'm mourning her death.

But I can't afford to give up hope.
Hope that one day she'll come home
& be the big sister I once knew.
She'll escape from your grip and come back
where she belongs.
With her family,
with her child.
Mare asks about her daily,
and it breaks my heart.
He misses her so much.

If you won't let her go for me,
please let her go for him.
I can deal with it, I can understand,
but he can't comprehend what's going on.
All he knows is that his mommy's gone.

I will continue to pray for everyday,
and hope that God can do what none of us has been able to.
Bring my sister home safely and free from you.

Cheese Knives.

Do you wanna know what I was doing at 4am this morning?
I was laughing until my abs ached, talking to Lorenzo about farts.
Thats right, I said farts. Lol
I don't remember how the conversation turned to that subject, but I do know that I requested that he Google "fart facts" and he began to read me some of the most hilarious shit I'd heard in quite some time.
I swear, no matter how old I get, that topic will always cause me to laugh until tears fall down my face. It's like everyone has had some kind of bad experience with gas, whether it be their own or someone elses, and they all are hilarious when recounted aloud. We went on for almost an hour talking about the facts he found and bad but hilarious experiences we had all revolving around gas.

Just typing this I feel like a weirdo, but I don't really care, lol.
The shit was funny. So thank you Renz for a hilarious and entertaining night.

Tryna Get That Old Thing Back...

We were best friends.
Before that love shit reared its ugly head,
Before you started living the life I couldn't accept,
Before anything, you were my roll dog, my ace boon coon, my uno nuno.

Now we barely even speak.
And I miss my friend.
Not my "ex-boyfriend", my "friend".
But can you ever really go back?
Can we get back to just being friends
without somebody getting all emotionally attached?
I don't know.
In a perfect world, yes.
But one thing I know for sure is this ain't no perfect world.

I'm willing to try if you are.

You don't know my struggle...

...and you never will.
Please don't think you know what I've gone thru.
Please don't assume shit is just pristine and perfect around here.
Please know my struggle is my own,
and there is no need for me to compare mine to anyone elses.
I don't need to prove my worth thru how hard I came up.
Some things you'd rather not talk about.
What the fuck for?
It doesn't bring people back,
it doesn't take away scars,
it doesn't undo the past.
The difference between me and you:
I push through, fuck venting about shit in my life I can't control.
Fuck talking about it over and over and never making changes.
Fuck staying stagnant while worrying so much about what you think someone might be saying about you.
You've only ever seen what I've allowed you to, but please don't ever get shit twisted.

Am I Glowing or Something?

I've had 3 people I've know for most of my life say they've noticed a change in me over the last week. Like they can tell just by looking at me I'm not stressed anymore and I'm doing way better than I was. When my dad passed it hurt me more than I would openly admit to most people. The people I was closest to knew all about it, but for the most part I kept it bottled up. I tried to keep pretending things were cool, but apparently my act wasn't too convincing because everyone knew something was wrong. And on top of all the pain from my loss, I had all this other drama going on in my life with the people I cared about most. So I was walking around for over a month feeling like the whole world was on my shoulders. Only within this last week did I finally free myself of all that stress & anxiety, and right now I can say I'm genuinely happy. It was as simple as letting go and releasing all the shit I had bottled up, and had I known it was that simple and that I had so many people who cared enough to be my outlets I would have done it so long ago.

It's crazy, it's like I can physically feel the difference. Like I have all this extra energy out of nowhere. I'm back to laughing and being the silly ass Neek most of you knew, lol. I'm back to quoting random ass movies for no reason. Back to laughing at my own jokes louder than anyone should. Back to sitting around with my friends and having 3 hour roast sessions for no apparent reason. I'm back to the old me.

I guess as I grow I will learn how to not let life's situations change who I am or how I am. I can't afford to lose myself in bullshit, because who I am is all I really have in the first place, and if I lose that what am I even fighting for?

So yeah, as for right now, I'm all smiles and I have so much peace. It's a lovely feeling, and one I won't let anyone or anything take away.

How I Get By.

"Seven-Fiddy!"

Epiphany.

I'm feeling so good right now! I'm doing so well in all my classes! All A's & B's ya'll! I hate to admit it, but I was very concerned about how well I would do in college. I was not the most studious chick in highschool, as many of you know, and I was afraid that me taking a year away from school would only make it worse, but I've found that college means so much more to me. I actually care about taking in as much as I can and I have a desire to do well. It is making everything so much easier.

School is my motivation right now.

And as far as my guy situation, I've talked to him since my last blog, but I really feel like its all been bullshit. I really don't get it though, because I can't understand what he gains by stringing me along. Like does he get man-points for having chicks fall for him? Does he get some kick out of hearing me tell him I love him, knowing all the while he's not really that into me? I really don't get the point of him acting like he's in this with me. And further more he's not even that great of an actor. I guess I was just so soothed by hearing the right words, that I ignored the obvious lack of actions. But now common sense has kicked in.

It's like, let me get this right, he's "in love with me", but he NEVER calls? Like NEVER. And when I call him, its a miracle if I get through. And he admits to seeing my missed calls and he still doesn't call back. I mean, I won't put all the blame on him. Its not like I called everyday, but I've always been concerned with being overly clingy, so I tried not to call too much. But there was no reciprocation. If I didn't call, we didn't talk. Then he always claimed that he missed me oh so much and he didn't like going days without us speaking, but I had no missed calls from him. I mean, my numbers been the same since the first day we talked, and phones work both ways.

Oh, but he's "in love with me" though? Ok.

It's crazy how fucking OBVIOUS all this shit is right now! For so long I really didn't want to see that his actions weren't matching up with those of someone who loves someone else, but now its just all in my face. And to be honest, I'm glad. I would much rather realize now than be years down the line still holding on to words that really mean nothing without actions to back them up.

I will be fine. Don't get me wrong, it hurts right now, but I know this is the right decision for me. I won't front like I hate him or some shit, because I don't. I actually still love him very much... but I love me more (as cliche as that sounds).

I'm just tired. I'm tired of questioning myself, because I'm too scared to question him. I'm tired of wondering about my worth to him, when it's my self worth that I'm compromising. I'm tired of wanting him to show me that he really cares, when it's obvious the actions aren't there because the feelings aren't. I'm just flat out tired.

At one point, I was honestly worried about even typing this because of what he would say if he saw it. How he'd act all offended as though my feelings were completely irrational, and I'd end up questioning myself again and apologizing when I did nothing wrong. But now I know the game. I know that when I say something and he says "fine, bye!" it's not that he's so bothered that he can't talk about the problem and he just has to go. It's because he doesn't give a flying fuck. I know that when he's done making me feel like I ALWAYS make him out to be the bad guy, he just goes on about his day not thinking about me or the situation. Meanwhile it's taking over my thoughts and all my emotions. But that is all over.

I guess the real beauty in this realization is that right now I'm not writing this for him. I'm not pouring out my feelings for him to somehow convince me that I'm just trippin off some stupid shit. This is all for me. My way of releasing and putting into words what I've been feeling for months. It is such a relief to finally be secure in the fact that I deserve soooo much more and I can get it. I've even gotten over my fear of how hurt I'd be if I gave up and he just acted like he never even cared. It's a beautiful feeling.

So Jaye, thank you so much for showing me the many sides of you. Through you I have learned what I will and will not tolerate in a friendship and from someone I love and who claims they love me. I wish you nothing but the best.

So, yeah. I'm going to go to bed now, because I have school in the morning, and I feel so relieved that I'm not that dumb bitch holding on to dreams anymore.

Goodnight lovemuffins!

Shaneka

Played.

Apparently, I'm not worthy of even a "hi" anymore.
And just last week you were in love with me.

Interesting.

I feel dumb and overall played.
I'm trying not to trip, to just act like maybe it's just some accidental thing,
but when phone calls and messages go ignored for days there is no accident involved.
It means he didn't give a fuck enough to even attempt to contact me on his own, even if he, for some unexplainable reason, couldn't receive any of my calls he still didn't think about me to the point where he felt the need to contact me.

And I can't even think of one reason why this is happening. I don't know why, but I feel like if I could pinpoint something I did or some event that transpired that led us here I'd be ok. But I'm coming up blank.

It fucking hurts and I'm pissed.

But I'll get over it.
I have to. Right?

Everybody was right. They said when I finally fell I was gonna fall hard, and the shit was gonna hurt. I swear to God I wish they were wrong.

So for now I'm gonna let John Mayer keep talking to my soul and hope these tears are a good sign that healing is on the way.

On repeat...

Validated.

It's crazy to me how just hearing him say certain things, things I should already know, makes everything alright. And as retarded as I feel about even feeling confused, he understands. He listens and reassures me, and all my little fears and those God awful insecurities just disappear. It's at those moments when I remember all over again why I'm in love with him. It's just the best.

Sometimes I wish I could rewind time. Things were so much simpler back then.

Release.

I have many conflicting feelings about the man who was my father.
I won't mince words. He wasn't there. I did not know him as a person all that much.
I knew his voice and I knew his broken promises by heart.
But even with all the negative things I, and many others, could say about him, I still loved him.

Shawn McDonnell taught me to be self reliant.
An invaluable life lesson, but one learned the hard way.
Yet and still, I am thankful that he did his part to help bring me into this world,
and I am glad that I got a chance to talk to him before it was too late.
I saw another side, one that was so familiar it was scary.
The side that he gave to me, without even being around.
I just hope I can be a positive part of his legacy.
Maybe I can be one of the few things he did right in his life.

R.I.P. Oct 23, 1964 - August 22, 2008

Nails Did

I'm going to get a fill and a pedicure today. I effin love my nail salon with a passion. When I get old I'm going to kick it at the nail shop every day like the old men do at barbershops, just gossiping like crazy. Kim, A.K.A. the little asian lady who does my nails, is adorable. Everytime I come in she starts talking to me using all the slang she knows. She's always like "guhfrien! how you beeeen?!". Everytime I pick a nail color she either says "guh that is the bomb" or "guhfrien' come on now, you alway get that one". Whenever I'm around her I swear fo' Gawd it takes everything in me not to start talking like she does, but I think she'd be a little offended if I was just like "guh, you so craz-ee!" But anyways, she is just too cute! I swear if I'm ever famous she's going on the road with me and every time I go out on stage she's coming out to bust a rhyme or a move, or both if she feels the need. Well let me get down to the shop before I miss Maury time. I gotta see if Shaquan's baby daddy is really her baby's daddy. Just SCANDALOUS!

Mama's Sorry!

I have been neglecting you baby!

Man, there has been soooo much going on with my family lately,
I'm not even in the mood to type it all, but I will say this:

Money will show you who people really are.

More later lovemuffins, it's time to go SHOPPING!

"Promise To Try"

This summer is already almost half way over. Damn.

Well here is my solemn oath to myself:

"You will not spend another moment worrying over some nuggah.
You will be happy all by your damn self.
You will not allow others to control your emotional state.
You will enjoy every day more than the last.
You will live, love, and laugh like today is your last."

And it all started yesterday, so if you don't hear from me, just know I'm out enjoying life and all it has to offer.
I'm not stressing, you shouldn't either.
As a matter of fact I'm pretty sure you're not. Lol

Gawd, I thought this was MY BLOG, so why do I still feel like I need to be cryptic? I guess because I found out certain people be reading it on the "schneak" tip. Lol
Well let me amend the oath:

"You will speak your mind in your fucking blog because it's YOUR fucking blog!"

Starting now: The head wasn't all that, so stop telling people I am sprung, and tend to your "girlfriend". And don't act like people don't tell me things, some of your closest homies are more loyal to me. Remember that B.

Ahhh, that felt good. More later perhaps, and I'm going out with the chicklets today so maybe some pictures later.

Ciao my loves!

Chipper.

Yesterday = GREATNESS.

I was going thru a little bit of a hard time, but yesterday made everything all better. Special thank you to Flavor of the Month for the great pick me up! ;]

I'm 1000% better.

Got a job interview Wednesday. I hope I get this one because I already turned down 2 because they weren't paying enough, and this one is right up my alley, but I'd hate to have turned away work and not be able to get what I really wanted so I have no backup, lol. Oh well, God's got it.

"She get it from her mama..."

Boston

"I have left my heart in Boston
And I left my soul in springtime
And I've forgotten how it feels to be in love again
And I still miss you

Somehow I left the world behind me
I can't remember how to find me
And I've forgotten how it feels to truly love someone
My God, I miss you

And nobody ever said that it would be this hard
Just want to go back
And walk with you along the Charles
You never believe how hard this real world thing can be
Until you see

I think I lost my smile in Cambridge
And my spirit in a snowy haze
And I've forgotten how it feels to be in love with life
I really miss you

So I've been around the world by now
And I've seen enough to know
That if you truly find your heart somewhere
You better take it with you where you go

And nobody told me my life would be this way
I'm watching the years go sailing by
Just like the days
I'm thinking how Boston seems to be the perfect place
To leave my heart

I have left my heart in Boston
I left it right there
At the downtown crossing"

- Lalah Hathaway, "Boston"

I feel so effin stuck.
I'm trying to move forward, but I need my heart back please.

This is why I'm hot.

Ooops upside ya head.

This will be me soon if people don't stop fuckin' with me.

A GREAT DAY!

Real Talk

Ok, so it took a while, but I finally have come to terms with my current situation. I tried to front like this break-up wasn't affecting me, like I didn't give a fuck one way or the other, but to be completely honest it's been killing me inside. How do you not miss your best friend? I mean we had inside jokes, we have memories, we have history. I swear I could just look at him sometimes and he looked at me and we just busted out laughing because we knew what the hell eachother were thinking. It was like that, and we were falling apart for months, but it's still hard as hell to just let go. It just isn't as easy as I tried to make it seem, I mean how could it be?

You get used to seeing someone everyday, used to the way they do things, and then they're gone and everything is supposed to just be ok? It's not ok. I'm not ok. I love him, and it still hurts, and I found myself looking for a cure somewhere else and he only made things worse. He just made me miss what I had, because what I had was here and mine, 100%.

I don't know what I'm saying exactly, I mean I don't see me getting back with my ex, but I guess I'm just learning and growing with this experience. I have to let it go, I have to go through the process of moving on, it's not immediate or easy by any stretch of the imagination, and I have to recognize that.

Yep, I'm growing you guys. Don't give up on me yet, lol.

Over it.

I
almost
let
you
make
me
forget
how
fuckin
fly
I
am.

ALMOST.

mmm whatcha say?

Be careful...

CAUTION: Posting this video is liable to get you banned from a community website, lmao.



DAMN YOU CARL THOMAS! LMAO

take that, take that...

damn i miss jamie foxx the comedian.

you got me straight trippin boo.

i'm up thinking about him,
and he's probably not thinking about me,
but i swear i miss his ass like crazy.

ugh i hate feeling like this!
but i gotta give him time and space,
shit i kinda need it too.
it's just hard man. :[

I EFFIN LOVE MY FRIENDS!!!

i swear they're the best! i was over here dying just watching this. i love you guys soooooooooooooooo much! some of these pictures need to be destroyed though... lol

It's my BIRFDAY!

and i'm spending it with everyone i love most.
i brought it in with my most favoritest people,
and i'm wildin out with even more of them tonight.
overall i'm just thankful for all my blessings,
and happy that God has blessed me to see another year
happy, healthy, and loved!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME! :]

R. Kelly's not guilty?!

MAAAAAN! the whole hood saw the video.
R. Kelly CLEARLY pissed on that little girl, but he's not guilty?!
i'm kinda mad about it.

my heart...

so i'm an aspiring songwriter,
everyone who is pretty close to me knows that,
so i thought this might be a cool outlet to share some of the things i'm working on.
here's a snippet of something i wrote and recorded recently...

Gawd I love our late night chats...

Neek: you're gonna fall asleep at the computer?
Chocolate Thunda: well, i'm in my bed with my laptop
Neek: naked?
Chocolate Thunda: so it's possible i might just doze off in the middle of doing something
Neek: jacking off?
Chocolate Thunda: as much as i'm sure you'd enjoy those thoughts, i'm not
Neek: thank God
Chocolate Thunda: lol. whatever

bipolarness

the homie c-loco caught my bipolarism in action, lol.

c. loco: how the hell you go from screaming and distraught to getting hyphy?
neek: it's just my nature! lol

she's so hood...

i was talkin' to my homeboy about my relationship with my mom,
and it was really making me appreciate her and all she's done for me.
she's just real, and she tells it like it is,
and thats the reason she's one of my best friends.
i can tell her anything and she doesn't judge me,
and if i ask for advice she's gonna tell me straight up how she sees it.
she understands the things about me that most don't.


kanye said it best:

"if you admire someone you should go ahead and tell em,
people never get the flowers while they can still smell em."

i need her to know before she leaves this planet, that without a doubt,
she has raised a strong, self-reliant, and intelligent woman,
and i appreciate all the sacrifices and hard work it took to do so.
i love you ma!

This is my Official Summer Anthem

Earth girls are HELLA easy, bro.

"earth girls are easy" comes on showtime like once a week for some reason,
and i watch it everytime, lol.
this movie makes me wish i was an adult in the 80's,
and this is like totally my favorite scene.

daughter's day...

ironically my birthday is on "father's day" this year.
let's see if he calls me.

lmfao. oh man, i crack myself up.

i heart her...

keri hilson can do no wrong in my book.
and my book is law.

and if you don't know who she is you better google her baybay.

rough ass day...

just had like the biggest argument in the history of arguments today.
but honesty is always the best policy... right?
he knows where i stand.
i know where he stands.

we're just not standing together.

i guess now we're just a memory and a lesson learned.
never compromise on the things you truly value,
because it may solve the problem temporarily,
but eventually it will come back to bite you in the ass.

and with that said, i'm done.

My perfect proposal...

involves one of these and a note saying
"will you marry me? yes no or maybe".

please take note.

"Thank you for bein' a friend..."

I FLIPPIN LOVE "THE GOLDEN GIRLS"!
i've watched it on lifetime since like elementary school.
this picture was taken at the tv land awards this year. i wonder where sophia is.
anyway, when i get old i'ma be just like blanche, so watch out fellas. lol

"work ain't honest but it pays the bills..."

for some reason this is hitting home for me right now.
i know way too many chicks living this life, and i don't want it for mine.
i think it's one of my biggest fears.

reason #4 why neek should be single.

deepness...

i'm feeling so lost right now.
it shouldn't be this easy to get wrapped up in some shit,
but here i am ya'll, and i'm wrapped tight.

i'm trying to be as ambiguous as possible,
because this just ain't one of those things you can just say point blank.
i wish it was, because i need to know that i'm not crazy,
that i'm not trippin right now.

i love the way it feels,
but i just can't stand the uncertainty.

blog, you'll keep this between me and you right? coo.